By: Ivana Tubić
I would lie if I said I hadn’t been influenced by stories on how love is cotton candy and nothing less, love is linear, love doesn’t endure losses on the side, love consists solely of pizza dates without any outbursts of sadness, God forbid that. And it’s like I was sent on a mission to burst that bubble and show the outcome was way different. Now that I’m hopefully mature, I’d say love is rock solid, love fights the time and wins, love transforms with age and adapts to it. The emotion is more complex than what inspirational quotes and pieces of forum advice suggest. Love collabs in growth with you, swims with you through storm floods and welcomes you with outstretched arms when you once again make it out alive.
When I complain about my nightmares, love sings me lullabies. Its arms feel like a nest built on a stable tree branch to let me know it’s possible for me to have something to rely on. It assures me my walls of independence I build to mask everything that doesn’t belong to the concept can have doors after all and let allies in.
I can joke about my past lovers with it and it won’t feel threatened (well, maybe just a little bit).
I am cherished by it like that very first snowflake in the winter that did not promise any snow for the whole season. It is by my side through all the seasons. The rain doesn’t make it leave and the Sun doesn’t give it third-degree burns. The other ones confused my warmth for a burdensome love and put the blame on me for their misunderstanding.
It is not knocked down by trauma or mistreatment, for it knows no one is defined by their history. It remembers the milestones and dates even when I myself forget or suppress. For my brain recognizes fulfillment as danger and sends it back into outer space. Love is there to fill the gaps, create a holy unity, and not because it feels obligated. It just feels that the right thing to do is to be present without any strings or chains. Its real mission in life is to live its truth and use a heart in its full capacity. Because love is not a pressure nor a chore.
It feels like home.
It is home.
And you always go back to it, don’t you?
Ivana Tubić is a 27-year-old poet born and raised in Belgrade, Serbia, and poetry is one of her passions. In her work she loves exploring the feelings of nostalgia, human connections, life in the digital age, and in general, putting everything that hasn’t been said into poems. Besides writing, she enjoys pop music, watching commentary videos on YouTube and keeping up with pop culture.
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